 | Retard + Crazy = Me! | Sep 30, 2009 |
Oh hello. I'm perfectly a retard. Cliques call me crazy. Well, I can turn that sulky long face to a bright smiling one! Heh. So yea, I'm talkative as well. My bad. But I'm born like this. Hah! I gave up on my love. He's not important now. Ouch, that hurts. I can't afford to say/type that sentence, but yet, I had to. I've got no choice. I don't want to hurt myself more. Saying things like that, makes me feel better. I'm not important to him right? So what's the point on loving him so much. I'm not important, so what? Life is bliss already, I can't expect much. If this is how he treats me, he'll get the same way. That's call being fair!
I'm not important, so why must he be important to me? Just forget it. Live life to the fullest. That's what they say. I can't. I'm living with him under one roof, so, to avoid him, that's the last thing I want to do. I can't bring myself to such a state. It suck. I can't go about saying, "I hate you", right to his face, right? Let me say it once more: He's living with me under one roof. We were doing things together. Hating him hurts me more.
He's my brother after all. It suck if I lose him. But, well, I've lost him. I've surrendered. What's the point? He's now important to someone else, so yea. It suck, you know. It really does. I mean, if I hate him, I'm such a loser/an ass. I'm his sister, so yea. We're in the same womb. Exactly from the same sperm. So? We're manufactured equally.
Love him a little lesser than current. Oh gosh. Will you do it? Of course not. The bond between us is too strong. Really strong that it does hurt me when he's not with me. A lot of work needs to be done to break the electrostatic force between my molecule and his. Oh well, why is chemistry involved? Oh God.
I'm done here. I hate him so much. Yea. I find it hard to live without someone that I love truly. Take my brother as an example. I'm as though a lunatic whenever he's not around. I'm as though a lost chick without a hen. I don't know why. But, I find it really hard to be living along without him.
And of course, I find it hard to live without contacting that new friend of mine. But, seriously, life must go on right? Why is it so hard? If I were given one chance/wish, I'll wish for something useful/beneficial.
I'll be waiting. As patiently as I can. Yes, I will. This is more likely to the start of our friendship. If a month is worth a wait, why can't a day be? If a month is worth a wait, why can't a year be? If seven hundred and forty-four hours is worth a wait, why can't twenty-four hours? So, yea. This is how I will be once I treasure this friendship.
I'll express my gratitude here. So, friend, even though I know you won't read this since you don't know anything about my blogs since I didn't tell you, I'll still write my thanks to you here. So here it goes.
Thank you, friend, for being by my side whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on. You were the one who cheered me up everyday. You were the one who will always ask if I'm alright whenever I got a scolding. So, for everything that you've done, only Him will repay your good deeds. I'm a powerless person so I can't repay anything to you. But I'm a powerful friend, trust me. You need me, I'll be there. I'll keep on waiting. Even if the clock stops ticking and the world stops revolving, I'll be your friend till the end of time. Okay? Thanks for everything, friend. I love you, friend.
I don't know why. But I think, Multiply is the right place for me write short things while Tumblr is the right place for me to write down my thoughts and Blogger is the right place for me to write my daily things. Yes, what if someone doesn't have the strength to move on and he/she feels like staying in bed everyday? What if he/she just encountered a break up? What if he/she misses someone badly? What if the strength that once he/she had disappeared when he/she needed it so much? Nothing can ever change the definition of hopeless. It makes someone feel so down like as if the whole world had turn upside down. The hope that once existed in one self had gone. What do you think that will be the consequences? In my own opinion, I think it will lead to dangerous circumstances. Don't you think so? He/she will just need a knife and cut himself. He/she will just need a knife to kill himself. But, what if he/she did it because the feeling they had was uncontrollable/unstoppable? It'll be too late right? But how? How can we stop those who's facing this situation. It seems like there's no other way out. Once in, No out. Don't you think so? But, if he/she realises what they're doing but suddenly having this trauma, what will it lead to? It'll be even dangerous right? They're a handful of people out there who wants to help this traumatized people, but they weren't given any platform/chance to do so. How can we help without a chance? All I'm hoping for is: people to stop hurting themselves and face the reality. Even though it is hard, but, you'll never know the result without trying it first right? So yea, we, people, will have to stand upright with both our legs and look at the brighter side and learn from past mistakes. This is it.  | Genuine. | Oct 15, '09 6:26 AM
for everyone |
At times, I feel like I was treated badly. So badly, that it won't work if I was being nice to anyone. I felt as though I was ill-treated. Such events, minor/major, happened unpredictably. What will be your reaction if you were the one who was badly treated? It doesn't matter to you, right? Come on, Friend. It's you that I'm close with, it's you that I share some of my secrets to. Why are you doing this?
Are you even sincere about everything that had happened the past one month? I think you think I'm like all the other girls who will just go around mixing with the boys, playing the role of "girly". Oh please, I'm not like what you think. Ne-yo said, "Tell me another lie." I think you've told me so many lies, so many that you couldn't find anymore. Right?
Are you even thinking about what might happen? If you still doesn't know, sincerity in a friendship is the vital factor in developing true friendships. And yes, I may be keeping quiet, but I'm not as quiet as ants. I won't go around hunting quietly, but, I will go around hunting you noisily. Yes, I don't care if people think I'm a nuisance, I know who I'm looking for, and yes, I know you know too. Don't think I'll keep quiet, will you?
On the surface, I may be a girl, but deep down inside, once everything's on my nerves, there's a high possibility that me turning into a boy, at any one time. So, please. If you happen to dream of me, please realise that what you're doing currently, isn't a joke of your lifetime. Alright?
It's probably because you're busy, yes I know you have your tight schedule. All I'm asking for is sincerity. Yes, there's this saying, "Friendship is the growth of Love without its wings." If you could infer that, you're smart enough. Yes, friend. You are always smart. Alright?
I'm done here. I'm waiting patiently as long as you want it to be. I Love You, Friend. Tomorrow will be the day. Yes, I promise I will be back. Leaving for a good reason.
Blog with you soon, Multiply.
Exams are here and I've finished four papers. Seven more papers.
Speaking of which, my Physics and Chemistry are haunting me for I'm not prepared to sit for it. Yea. A fact: Short breath + hands trembling + fast heartbeat rates + body aching = STRESS. Yes. Maybe I'm facing that.
As much as I didn't want to think that I'm experiencing such unwanted feelings, I couldn't help it but cry. I had a lot of joy, a lot of smiles. But, when that feeling comes, I had a lot of sadness and a lot of tears. I don't understand why am I crying. Maybe it is because, the unwanted feeling just came out of nowhere. Don't you think so?
I'm afraid of obstacles. Succeeding is what I want. Oh well, what's the point dwelling on Physics and Chemistry so much when I'm not the only one who's experiencing this. There's over a million out there that can't manage it too. It might not be my schoolmates, but it could be others that I don't know too.
That's all I can say right now. Troubles, Anger, Stress. Not anymore of this please. Brother. One word. One Soul. One Love. One Kinship.
I was born on 13 March 1994. I wasn't aware of my surroundings. I wasn't aware that I was hanging under my mother's womb. I wasn't aware that I would fall at any one time. But, the nurses saved me. My mother didn't feel any pain for she was the one who gave birth to me. She told me stories when I was young today. And there, she kept on repeating how my brother was eagerly waiting for my presence. I was touched.
He was the one who accompanied me when I was still in my mother's womb. He was the one who made a lot of noise till I could hear him in my mother's womb. He was a nuisance to me. Yes, he was. However, when I was slowly growing up, he was the one who guided me throughout to the extent that he kept on guiding me today.
My brother was the kind one. Through the noise he made until I could hear him, brought us together so closely. He was the one who didn't let anyone to hurt me and my feelings. He was the one whom I love dearly. He might not know it, but he could sense it. I appreciate all the deeds he did to me.
Today, I am a fifteen year-old and he is eighteen year-old. We've grown, so big, but we didn't behave like one adult. We behave like a child. We often roll on the bed, making jokes and laughing our asses out. We often laugh together for a silly joke. He slapped me and I slapped him, made the laughing worse. That, I love him dearly.
Until today, whenever he wasn't around even for a few minutes or hours at home, I felt so lonely. So lonely, that I will lock myself in his room rather than mine. So lonely, that I will go to the extent that I smell his super unfragrant pillows. Yes, I will. In fact, I will always think about him. Even though we're siblings, I've always thought he was the first boy who loved me dearly and I love him so.
Whenever my major exams are coming, I will always remind myself "Do it for Yourself! Do it for Your Parents! And Do it for Your Brother!" I will always remind myself of the four people that I love. It's me, my parents and my brother. He guided me so much that I wanted to be like him in every way. It's just too bad that he's a boy and I'm a girl.
I, Nur Faqirah, Sister of Muhammad Faqih, will always love my brother till the Almighty take my last breath. I vow that in any circumstances, he'll be the one that will be my guardian angel. He, Muhammad Faqih, will always be my one and only brother till I rest in heaven. I, as his sister, will protect him like he did to me, directly or indirectly. We will be siblings forever. And we will take good care of each other and our parents!
Brother, I love you dearly.
Sometimes I feel like I was given too much of freedom until I misused the trust my parents had given me. But, I could not help it. It was too much, too much that I could barely manage myself. My parents had been by my side ever since I was born. They see me as one of a kind; well, that's what I think from their actions. However, I disobeyed them. I betrayed them. I abused their trust. As I've said, I was given too much of freedom.
I have always thought that they went too far. Everyone does not like curfew, do you? I'm completely the polar opposite. I want them to give me curfews. I disciplined myself but, this is the least. I want more. I want them to scold me whenever I make mistakes. I want them to show me their stern face. Why can't they? Was it too hard for them? I love trying out things, but not one person will tell me that I'm doing the wrong thing. Not even my parents.
At times, I felt like I was pressurized. To think back, I wasn't. In fact, they gave me choices. It's either I excel or I be a failure throughout my life. These are the only two things that they reminded me, be it directly or indirectly.
There was once I was prioritizing my friends more than them, to the extent that I didn't want to be at home. They didn't allow me to go out with them, but I stormed off. They didn't allow me to stay back, but I rebel. They didn't allow me to be in serious relationship, but I go against them. Until something made me realize that all those that were with me (and until today) was my parents. It wasn't my friends, even. It was them. I was the stupid one.
Now, I realize that I need them more than the others. I love everyone. But, they took the highest ranking. I'm sure everyone agree right? They saw my change. They clearly saw it. It was because I decided to change, drastically. It was for them and their pride. I didn't want to hurt them. It was for them that I went through a lot of trouble. But at least, I gained a good thing at last.
Today, 1st October 2009, the tenth month of the year, I can recall my first promise to my own self. I didn't want to embarrass them by any circumstances. I'll bare the consequences if in any case, I betrayed/abused my promise. This is one. I want to excel in my life and it's all for my parents. If I were to fail at any point of time, I'll think of them. I'll always bear in mind that excellence doesn't comes easy. Do it once, fail it once, always be patient. And, if my parents have the patience on me and my attitude, I shall have the patience to succeed for them. Yes, let me stress the phrase, for them.
I will. Regardless of any obstacles, my parents mean a lot to me. They're my life. Without them, I'd rather die than living.
Mum and Dad, I love you forever.
xoxo.
As you all can see, I'm currently a member of Multiply.com. I thought my other blog is giving me a lot of troubles. So yea. Here I am, Multiply. Rest assured, Multiply and Blogger will be active. It depends on my super tight schedule. Mind me, if I missed out one or two or three days or weeks. Hah. I'm sometimes busy. Okay?
This is the start off!
xoxo.
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